Documentary
by drunkdragon
Summary: [Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu]: The time has come to see just what Suzumiya Haruhi thinks about the rest of the world. Hopefully, she will have a favorable outlook. Hinted Haruhi x Kyon


Thanks to Cloner4000 for pointing out that I uploaded the wrong document for this story! I'm in a hurry right now though, so I'm sorry if there are some errors in here. Enjoy!

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Documentary

I have come up with a plan to study and perhaps better understand Suzumiya Haruhi. For the longest time I have been told that she was the God of our world. However, she herself does not know this. And only because she does not know she is God can this experiment be carried out.

As we all know, Suzumiya Haruhi is fun loving almost to the point of ignoring the welfare of others. Having dragged me down hallways by my necktie, I feel that it is necessary to deem whether she is very dangerous or just dangerous.

Haruhi's preferred target of fun is Asahina Mikuru. Bless her soul for taking on such a tremendous burden. This test may also help me determine how close she will come to death in this line of duty. I say close to death as I have already met her future counterpart.

Nevertheless, I, Kyon, will see just how deep Suzumiya Haruhi's ignorance and selfishness goes.

Unfortunately, I have been sick for the past few days. But it was because I was sick that I was able to come up with this experiment of mine. Today would be my first day back. I haven't completely recovered, but I am well enough to attend school once again.

Suzumiya Haruhi has multiple faces for multiple emotions. There is her regular smile, her "She's glad to see me" smile, a brooding one for broody moments, and so on and so forth. However, she does have one face that I particularly do not like.

It's the "I'm screwed" face, and as I slide open the class door, I find that it's looking right at me. Within moments, she's in front of my face, yanking me down by my tie in front of the whole class.

"Kyon! Where have you been?" she nearly yells. "Do you know how boring it's been without you at the SOS Brigade?"

I have two requests: that you let go of my tie, and that you learn to not make a scene. Of course, I doubt that you will be able to fulfill either within our lifetime.

"I've been sick. I thought you knew." I wrench my tie from her death grasp and adjust it a little. I should ask the school principle if I could get a slight exception in regards to the school's uniform.

"Hmph." She puts her now free hand on her hip, attempting to assert authority. "I have a bunch of things for you to do now that you're back. First, we need to pi-"

For the first time I can remember, I interrupt her. "Actually, I was hoping that we could cancel our club meeting for today."

Her face freezes, her mouth hanging open just a little bit and her eyes near bulging and staring at me as if I had lost my mind. And it just so happens that the rest of the class is experiencing this strange event, for as long as Suzumiya Haruhi has gone to this school, _no one_ has asked her to cancel a club meeting.

I take my hand and close her mouth before walking into the class. As the students watch me cross over to my desk by the window, I wonder. Am I smiling?

Might as well.

--

After school, I head over to the clubroom. I know that today's meeting may be canceled, but I have to make sure; Haruhi may not have granted my request.

I can almost imagine how the rest of the SOS members would react. Asahina-san would experience anxious relief; she wouldn't have to dress up today, but she would also worry about whether or not the world would experience the apocalypse once again. Koizumi could probably care less. He's not Haruhi's plaything and he's only there to be her 'voice of rationale.'

And Nagato? She probably went inside anyway. She always reads in the clubroom, nothing is stopping her today.

When I get to the clubroom, there's a piece of paper taped to the door.

"SOS Brigade:

Today's meeting is cancelled and Kyon is treating all of us to lunch this Saturday.

Haruhi"

Figures. She's always one for a free meal, especially if she can get me to pay for it. That's price to pay for knowing Suzumiya Haruhi.

I hear footsteps down the hall and I slowly turn around, already knowing who it is. Every person has his or her own individual footsteps. If you've been around the person long enough, you can tell who is outside your door just by the sound of their feet.

Haruhi seems to have a solid step, confident and proud. "Oi, Kyon! You better have a good reason for canceling today's meeting!" I can tell that she's actually irritated behind her cool demeanor; she actually addressed me by name.

"I've got a good reason, but I can't tell you yet," because that would defeat the purpose of my experiment.

Her eyes flare up and she gasps. "Are we going to look for aliens? Or maybe find ghosts?"

I slowly begin to walk away, and she follows after me like an abandoned puppy. A very chatter-y puppy, to be exact, as she refused to keep her mouth closed during the trip.

In fact, she didn't stop until we reach our destination.

"Where are we?"

I smile a bit before answering. "My place."

I hear an abrupt "Oh" before opening the door and letting her in. If I squint, I could probably hallucinate a tiny tint on her face. Closing the door and lead her into the living room and invite her to sit down. I then head to the kitchen to fill up two glasses of water. I finish one and fill it up again before taking both to Haruhi. I have a feeling she would be thirsty and start complaining about it. I begin to hand to her the one in my right hand but she takes the initiative and grabs the glass from the other.

She probably dislikes how she has very little control of the situation. "I hope you didn't take me to your house just to drink water," she drably replies, taking a gulp.

"Don't worry," I calmly assure her.

"Quit smiling!" she snaps.

Was I smiling? It's probably from the anticipation of this experiment of mine. I have her sit down on the couch. Taking the television controller, I turn on the TV and start playing the video before joining her.

The first image to appear is a starving child and the gears in Haruhi's head come to a halt. It's an infomercial, displaying the decrepit conditions that the less fortunate portion of the world must live in.

I came up with this experiment when I was sick. I saw an infomercial, very similar to this one, during one of the days I stayed home from school. The question that I wanted an answer to was this: if things happen because Suzumiya Haruhi desires it to be, would she care enough to help the less fortunate when they are brought to her attention?

I quietly observe her. She tightly closes her free hand on the hem of her skirt and the glass she holds seems to shake a little. Her body tenses and she leans forward just a little. She's getting angry. As each new image of harsh life appears, she gets a little more wound up. She pulls her legs in a little bit. That glass shakes a little more.

I hope she doesn't break that thing. The video ends and I take out the tape before turning off the TV.

And without further delay, I would like to report the results.

She sets the glass down, but hard. She stares adamantly at me as she opens her mouth to speak. "Kyon." Oh, she's mad at me. "You ask me to cancel a club meeting for _this_?"

"I thought you would be interested in it," I purposefully say. Let's feed the fire and see what else it will cough up.

"I can't believe you!" She's blinking a lot. In fact she's been blinking a lot since I turned off the TV. "There are still so many things you need to do at the clubroom! In fact, Mikuru-chan had to work twice as hard to cover up for your absence!"

Since when have I done work for the SOS Brigade?

"We still need to pick a new outfit for Mikuru-chan to wear and-"

At this point, I think I can honestly say that she-

"We need to plan more group outings as well as-"

Is angered to have this subject brought up.

"Are you even listening? And what is with that smile of yours?" She nearly yells. She's right in my face and I can see her eyes very clearly. She's got a snarl on her face and now she speaks with a quieter tone. "This Saturday, you will treat the SOS Brigade to lunch."

I already know that. Is there anything else you to would like to say to your single-member audience?

"But right now," she sniffles, "I want you to say you're sorry."

Alright then. "I'm sorry."

She inhales and uses the same voice. "I want you to kneel down and say that you're sorry."

I do so. "I'm sorry," I repeat. When I look up, she's already at the entrance, putting her shoes on.

Her voice is a little louder now. "I'm going to fine you an extra drink for some other day." She stands up and sniffles some more. "And I think you got me sick too! You owe me another meal!" She storms out of my house as soon as she's able to.

I glance out the window to see her retreating form, her back to me. She walks briskly away, stopping only to meddle with something on her face.

--

As I lay in bed, I wonder if the world will end tonight. Would I once again be drawn into that closed space with Haruhi? Or would it only be her inside this time?

I have no doubt that she has conjured up another closed space between now and the experiment, although I trust Koizumi and his colleagues will be able to deal with the problem.

Does she hate me now? I believe I have shown her something she never knew existed. Perhaps she has realized how selfish she has been and, as a reaction of discovering a part of her character that she is not happy with, chose to take out her anger on me.

I led her to this discovery and I can have Haruhi discover more things about herself. But at the same time, I can have her avoid certain things with careful choice of words and actions.

I blink and arrive at a sudden realization. I, Kyon, can control Suzumiya Haruhi, the Queen Bitch of the Universe and leader of the SOS Brigade. If I control Haruhi her own voice and actions would simply be an extension of mine. She would become my puppet. I would control this world's God.

I close my eyes. Suzumiya Haruhi, as far as she knows it, is human. A human has free will. However, in the situation that I do choose to control her, she will be living with a false sense of freedom. And as wonderful as this may be for me, my conscience says that such a thing makes me no better than a tyrant.

May this by my first experiment and my last.

I close my eyes and let sleep claim me. I do not think that the world will end tonight. Not at all, because I still owe her two meals and a drink. And while my wallet may not look forward to the occasions, I believe that Haruhi would.

--

The next day, Haruhi didn't come to school. In a way, it was both good and bad. Good that the world did not come to an end last night, meaning that I guessed correctly, but bad because in my entire time of knowing her, she has _never _missed a day of school.

She did, however, call my cell phone during class. Or I believe she did, as she would probably be the only one who knows that receiving a phone call in the middle of class would put me in big trouble and still do it anyway. Thankfully it was set to vibrate. I ignore it for now and it stops ringing. As the teacher turns to the blackboard, I quickly reach down and turn it off, just in case she decides to call again.

It's lunchtime when I finally decide to turn on my cell phone again. When it's done loading, it shows that I've missed forty-one calls. As I cycle through my call log, I notice that most of the calls were made within two to five minutes of each other. And if I'm right, she should be calling right about now.

The phone begins to vibrate. I quickly excuse myself from Taniguchi's presence and quickly run down the hall before answering the phone.

"KYON!" I pull the phone away from my ear. "Why didn't you pick up your phone?" she nearly screams.

Does she know anything about class rules, or does she choose to ignore them? "I was in class, picking up my phone would have gotten me in a lot of trouble."

"Hmph." I notice that she sounds a little nasally. Perhaps… "Either way, in case you're wondering I'm sick." Thought so. "It'll be a self-activity day at the SOS Clubroom. But for you, I've got a list of things next to the computer that I expect to be done by the time I get back."

She goes on to list each and every little thing. I tune out her nasally high-pitched voice and sigh. I doubt it matters if I listen to her now anyway, as I'm pretty sure that the list will already have the tasks written on it.

So far, I don't quite think I'm happy with the results of my experiment.

--

Having been a routine action for the course of many months, I go to the clubroom after school. I tear off the sheet that Haruhi put up yesterday before entering. I had expected to see Asahina-san dressed up as a maid but instead I only see our residential alien, Nagato.

However, she is not sitting in her corner as she usually does. No, today she is standing in front of the table in plain sight minus about eight inches or so, as she is almost a head shorter than me.

"There has been an explosion of data within the last twenty-four hours." I notice that she tends to use the words 'explosion' and 'data' together.

"I'm guessing I'm involved in it to some extent?" I casually ask.

"Not just involved," she replies in near monotone, "but the reason for it. Your actions yesterday proved that both you and Suzumiya Haruhi are key to autoevolution."

"However, it showed that it is not Suzumiya Haruhi who is most important to autoevolution, but you."

Wonderful, a recap of what I figured out last night. "And why is this important to me?"

"Suzumiya Haruhi is able to cause autoevolution by herself. But unless she is given a specific direction, the chance of autoevolution taking place is slim and would only happen on a long enough timeline. You are the catalyst in the equation.

"You can direct Suzumiya Haruhi to autoevolution within hours, as you had done yesterday."

I sigh. "You're telling me stuff I already figured out last night. Tell me something I don't know." I pour myself a cup of hot water. Asahina-san is not here to make her wonderful tea, so unfortunately I must settle for this meek replacement. I lift it to my mouth and drink.

"The Data Integration Thought Entity encourages interaction between Suzumiya Haruhi and you."

I pause for a moment before finishing my water and I set my cup down. "What kind of interaction are you hoping for?"

"The officials have told me that any interaction will do."

"I have no intention to run any more experiments on Haruhi. As far as entity goes, she believes that she is a human with free will. So long as she believes in and has her free will, I refuse to take any steps that would jeopardize it," I angrily say.

"We are not asking you to run experiments. We are asking that you only be yourself so long as you interact with her."

So be it. I pour myself another cup of water and drain it. As I watch Nagato retreat back into her corner with her book, I hear the door open and I look at the guest.

It's Koizumi, but he looks a lot worse for wear than normal. "Good afternoon," he says, lacking his normal enthusiasm.

"You sound tired," I respond.

"Well," he takes a seat and slouches a little, leaning over the table. "My colleagues and I have been dealing constantly with Celestials for the past twenty-four hours. It has drained much of my strength and I did not sleep last night."

This worries me. "Do you have an idea of what the source may be?" I have a feeling I know the answer.

"That source would be you."

Figures.

"While I do not know what you did, your actions have caused this event."

"Well…"

"Also, there was one closed space that we could not reach in time."

I frown, "You're kidding me."

"It took place outside of Japan. Since we are only stationed out in this nation, our powers only extend so far."

I lean forward and place my hands on the table. "I thought you said that you had colleagues everywhere!"

"Yes, everywhere in Japan. However, since Suzumiya-san has broadened the range of her knowledge of this world's condition, so has the area that closed space can occur in."

I sigh and stand up from the table. "So this world was remade?"

"No, only the area where the closed space covered was affected and remade. Apparently, because we espers, as Suzumiya-san's ability to reason, were unable to reach the place, the land was shaped to her will. Thankfully, it did not increase in size and engulf the world."

"So if that one part of the world was remade, would we know about it?"

"Not just us, but the whole world. The change was large enough to attract global attention."

Oh dear.

"Well, if that is all, then I will excuse myself. The Celestials stopped appearing recently and I would like to go home and rest." Standing up, he walks to the door and exits the clubroom.

Worldwide attention, huh? Well, I suppose there was no preventing such a thing after showing Haruhi that video. Striding over to the computer, I pick up the sheet that Haruhi compiled and began the work.

By now I begin to wonder where Asahina-san is. Both Koizumi and Nagato had something to say, wouldn't she? Perhaps because she is from a time-travel agency, they already knew that such an event would happen and have nothing to say to me.

By the time I am done, Nagato has already left the room. The sun draws closer to the horizon and I should head home too. 'Global attention', however, refuses to leave my mind. I quickly access the most reliable news source on the Internet I know of. When the front page loads, only one thing grabs my attention.

"Small Quake in Empty Plains of Africa Reveal Gold Mine."

I lean back in my chair.

I think I'll pay a visit to Haruhi this evening. I'll bring take-out.

And if she asks if I brought the food to fulfill my punishment, I think I'll say no.


End file.
